A Year Ago Today

I wouldn’t change anything that has happened in my life, but I’m happy to leave some experiences in the past. A year ago today, is one of them. I don’t ever want to sit in a hospital and listen to a Doctor tell me “It’s not a question of if it will come back, only when.” Or when a nurse tells me right after surgery, “Don’t expect your husband to come out of there. It takes years for people to recover from this type of surgery and some don’t ever do.” But he did! Aside from being a little slower mentally he is still the man I married with the same foundation of beliefs and an even better sense of humor.
I never want to be the young couple again in the radiation office. I do know where to go for a wig and which stylist to ask for because of my excellent eaves dropping skills during appointments(my skills aren’t all that good actually; it’s hard not to hear older people’s conversations in the small reception area). I just kept thinking I am to young to be hearing these things. Ian was the highlight in the radiation office. He knew how to draw a crowd at 2 weeks old. It’s strange when nurses see your children more often than your own friends do.
I don’t ever want to see people look at me with tears in their eyes not knowing what to say.
I don’t ever want to hand off my child for a week for someone else to look after and love and come back to a child whose world has been rocked who doesn’t even want me. The first time I came back to Tate while Josh was still in the hospital he just stared at me and started crying; I bawled. We had 2 hours together and I broke down and cried with him in my kitchen. I didn’t know what else to do. My house felt so empty with my husband in the hospital.
 Before I never knew the goodness of so many people or felt the power of so many prayers. I never knew how fragile life was but how sustaining faith in Christ is. I never felt so exhausted, cried so hard, or been served so much. I never before have been this grateful.
A year ago today my life changed forever; I am so glad it was for the better.